


Je Ne Sais Pas

by PerpleTheZombie



Category: Free!
Genre: Angsting, M/M, Unrequited Love, haru being a not very good friend, this is mostly just dumb tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 09:55:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2808260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerpleTheZombie/pseuds/PerpleTheZombie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He guesses it doesn't matter anymore.</p><p>[Or: An old blurb regarding Haru's accidental disregarding of everyone and everything for Rin.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Je Ne Sais Pas

**Author's Note:**

> this is really dumb and unedited and i think i only said makoto's name once oops

Haru was cruel and he always had been. It was conscious but not intentional; a matter of what he didn’t do rather than what he did.  
However to Haru it seemed pointless to push him away. Of course Haru knew the implications of the other’s actions, and recognized them within his own mind. And the other was fully aware of Haru’s silent acknowledgement.  
He wished Haru had shoved him away. He wished Haru had pulled away when he touched him, scolded him when he said strange things, insisted that they sleep separate from each other. How else was he supposed to know? How else was he supposed to move on? He wouldn’t have been upset or resented Haru for it. He would have accepted the truth and they could have continued on happily.  
“...Rin wants to date me.”  
He looked up from the worksheets in front of him - he’d been comparing the answers on their homework. In that moment he thought Haru was simply informing him. Nothing about it was surprising, if he were being completely honest. He wanted to say something, ask for context or elaboration, express that he already knew just by watching their friend. However he paused first, waiting for Haru to go on, waiting for the regretful admittance that he had turned him down. As the seconds ticked by in silence, though, he realized that it wasn’t coming. Haru was waiting for his response.  
“...and?” He hoped he didn’t sound as uneasy as he felt.  
There was another silence and he wondered if maybe Haru hadn’t actually been waiting for an answer, or maybe he was waiting for him to say something more.  
“I...want to date him too.”  
Somehow the way Haru said it seemed brutal, though he spoke quietly, a hint of a smile in his voice, his eyes on his hands where they gripped his water glass.  
“I haven’t told him that yet though. I’m scared.”  
“Scared?” Makoto asked, without thinking.  
Haru fell silent again, mouth turning back down into his characteristically thoughtful frown, brows furrowed a bit.  
“If things don’t go well, then we won’t be friends anymore. And...we’re only just now becoming friends again.”  
Haru’s voice was quiet, hoarse from underuse and discontent.  
And now he didn’t know what to say.  
This hadn’t been what he expected.  
This hadn’t been what he expected at all.  
It took a long moment of devastated silence before he could smile and respond with words of support.  
“...you’ll be fine, I’m sure. You’ve made it this far together, haven’t you?” But we’ve made it farther.  
Haru simply nodded.  
He rested his chin in his hand, and he didn’t try to smile anymore but Haru wasn’t looking at him anyway.  
There was a long silence before Haru stood. “I’m going to Samezuka.”  
“H-Huh-?”  
“I should tell him. I don’t want to put it off.”  
“It’s too late, now!” Makoto said, standing too to try and stop Haru, but for all the wrong reasons. “You’ll get in trouble for going at this hour, and won’t be able to see him either way-”  
“He can meet me outside the gates,” Haru reminded, looking up at Makoto with determined blue eyes.  
“But…!”  
“You can stay here, if you’d like. I’ll be back.” Haru was already on his way out the door, scooping up his coat and phone and dashing away still in his house slippers.  
After Haru had gone, he was left standing there in the doorway, shocked and confused and devastated.  
He couldn’t resent Haru, even if he wanted to. He could only feel crushing heartbreak. Jealousy and regret welled up deep within his chest.  
But there was a sort of light happiness, too, at the thought of Haruka being together with Rin. Because, now that he knew, no matter how he looked at it it made sense. And even though he felt bitter towards Rin - he had been the one with Haru throughout middle school when Rin had left, he had been the one with Haru when Rin did nothing but torment him - he supposed there was a sort of chemistry there that he’d never have with Haru. A passion in the way Haru looked at Rin. There was a dangerous toxicity in that passion, however. Haru would be so much safer with Makoto, away from Rin.  
Either way it didn’t seem like it would matter.


End file.
